Dune Memories and Ranting

Oh, would you look at that! TWO blog posts in one week! I am making progress. The goal is not far away.....

Now, as very few know, I regularly watch Nostalgia Critic on YouTube. I wouldn't really recommend watching him if you don't like swearing....or the occasional sexual reference. (By this point, you, my relatives reading this, are no doubt wondering if I am a closeted rebel or something. I will explain, and eeeehhhverythiiing will become clear. ) So why do I, devout Mormon that I am, watch it? Well, you see, I sort of got hooked on it because I find his reviews very interesting, fun, and even intelligent (when he's being good funny, not bad funny. Just to clarify). It's....well, it's sort of like a shameful addiction to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or something along those lines.

But I digress; that is not the point of this post.

My POINT is, that Nostalgia Critic has various other channels relating to him, including a certain channel known as Nostalgia Chick. She basically does what he does, but focusing more on female-oriented vintage films/TV shows. Recently, for some reason or another, she reviewed Dune, which I watched and was both repelled and slightly amused by. And, as her name suggests, it also made me feel slightly nostalgic. Let me share it with you!

The particular Dune adaptation she was reviewing was what you might call the OLD one - the CLASSIC, the 1980's ERA. Some of you sci-fi movie people might be thinking 'Um....yeah, I've heard of it. Wasn't the so-called OLD Dune movie the ONLY Dune movie ever made?'

Well, it's interesting - ironically enough, while everyone remembers and even reveres the Old One, hardly anyone remembers or has even heard of the New, up-to-date(ish) CGI made-for-the-SciFi Channel-TV One.

...................................

Which, now that I have written that, suddenly makes perfect sense.

At any rate, I have seen BOTH movies, as well as read the book (twice!). If you care to look at my profile, you might see that Dune is actually one of my favorite books. And why not? Dune is practically the Lord of the Rings of science fiction. Admittedly, it's not to everyone's taste, which, considering how it was written, is understandable. Some people just find big political battles over alien products and desert planets with freaky blue-eyed people boring. Hey, I don't judge. To each its own.

ANYway, my point is, having read the book and being a bit of a sci-fi/fantasy nerd, it's interesting to take an in-depth look at these two particular movies.

Now, the funny thing is, I saw the old Dune movie a looooong time ago, when I was really little kid. I'm not quite sure what the total incentive was for my family to watch this movie, but I think my dad and perhaps other siblings having read the book had something to do with it. I'm guessing they saw the movie at the rental place and they thought, "Hey! I read Dune! I wonder how the movie is?" And so they got it. Or, more likely, someone lent it to us.

I think my family regrets this, because we have never mentioned it in the years following. My family has a thing about movies: there are actually a very few that we all like, and a very choice few that we all love. These are the Traditional Blackham Movies, and they are so important that we force all incoming fiancees to watch them before marrying into our family. Or immediately afterward, depending on circumstance. Either way, they HAVE to watch these movies, or else they are not true members of our family. They don't have to like them, of course, but they are required to at least watch them.

But that's not what I mean - what I mean is, we only ever saw Old Dune once, and we never, ever, ever mentioned it again. Except maybe for my older brother, once, after watching the New Dune, but I'm not sure.

Even though it was so long ago, I actually remember this movie - sort of. I remember certain parts of the movie that either really weirded me out or scared the everloving crap out of me. I also remember that there was nothing I enjoyed about this movie. It was too weird and scary. Which, from a little kid's view, is pretty understandable.

The parts I remember the most clearly, without looking back on Nostalgia Chick's review, were:

1) the curly-haired boy who shouts (Paul Atreides - back then, that was the label I gave him) making some sort of monotone 'aaahhh'ing noise at a pillar while holding something like an old-fashioned camera in his hands, which made the pillar explode (I might just be making this up, but this seems too clear to be fabricated)

2) the bad fat guy (Baron Harkonnen) getting his...erm...enormous, disgusting boil-pimple thingies on his face popped by a doctor/dentist person, and then pushing a button that made him float in the air, and pointing his black-painted toes to float forward so he could kill this guy who was putting flowers in this counter.

3) this gross octopus tentacle thing talking to this old guy (scary, scary, SCARY moment).

4) a lot of people screaming when they drank this blue stuff (sort of bewildering)

5) this guy with a mustache saying 'the tooth, the tooth, DA TOOTH' over and over again.

6) A bunch of people with really, really blue eyes.

and 7)the little scary girl with the glowing blue eyes saying in a spooky voice "Wait for my brother, Baron. Wait...wait for my BROTHER."

Now, of course, it was a long time ago, so these memories are not entirely accurate. But that's what I remember of the movie, so it all adds up to something dark, scary,and really, ardently twisted. I'm sure if I saw it again now, I would still feel the same way.

The New Dune was very different - and I mean VERY different. For one thing, Sting was not in it. Which, of course, was unforgivable. And neither was Patrick Stewart. Also unforgivable. From these two statements, I am sure you can already tell how this movie went.

This movie wasn't really a movie so much as a mini-miniseries. In total, it was a good five or six hours long, originally divided into hour-long episodes for TV but now squashed together in grueling movie form. To see it would be asking for a literal marathon. You would have to devote your entire DAY to watching it. And that's only the beginning.

We haven't just SEEN this movie at my house - we actually, physically OWN it. All 4 (or 5?) DVDs, tucked away in one of our DVD binders. Lurking. Waiting for some unsuspecting victim to pull it out and put in the player. Unleashing its horrific power upon yet another innocent soul who thought they were watching some weird Frank Herbert version of Star Wars. And it's all so much worse because we possess the DIRECTOR'S CUT!! A whole half hour of deleted scenes that you really did not want to see but the director is forcing you to watch anyway!

Such is the nature of this movie.

Now, granted, this movie (unlike the Old Dune), at least tried very, very hard to stick to the book. Therein lies the key word: TRIED. If I've learned anything about movies based off of books, it actually doesn't really work when you try to stay accurate to the book. A lot of people would disagree, but think about it: there are sometimes important elements in the books that just can't translated very well into movie form. Like in Dune, there are all these subtle shifts and sidestories and viewpoints that work very well in text form, but just can't be taken onto the screen. Period. You just can't do it. Thus, in trying, you fail. At least in this case.

So, in trying to compensate, this movie changes the main character, Paul, a little bit. Whereas in the other movie he at least GAVE the appearance of someone who has been under heavy training all their life, this new movie makes him a whiny teenager whom you would just love to smack. He does mature as the movie goes, becoming a bit more complex and likeable. But still............. I...want...to....SMACK.

Oh, wonderful, this is turning into a movie review now. I need to slow down and rethink this.

The point of this is, Dune just can't be properly made into movie form. It is an excellent book, and it will always remain an excellent book. I suppose both movies had their charm - the Old One for its strange epic feel (why is it so epic? Why?), the New One for its...erm...attempted epic-ness, its interesting CGI (well, it's sort of outdated now), and some unintentionally funny moments. I would avoid both - Old One for its sort of horribly disgusting scenes (particularly involving the Baron or a strange hairless animal that makes me think of a cat), New One for its blatant and unabashed pornographic scenes and gore.Which were never really in the book, as far as I can recall. And which is one of the reasons why we never watch it anymore, without the remote in hand and finger pressed against the fast-forward-by-scene button.

This post, by the way, was the combined product of a headache, watching that NC review, and staying up waaaaaay too late. Please forgive me.