Such a Bookworm - I rant about Twilight.

A long time ago, attending EFY for the first time in Boise, Idaho, I was roomed with some very girly sort of girls. They were very nice, of course, but we were so different that if we had all gone to the same high school, we wouldn't have been aware of each other's existence. As it was, we were roommates, and so we were obligated to get along.

It wasn't so bad, really - they really were very nice. I got to know them pretty well, actually. Well enough that one day, while we were waiting for our counselor, we began talking about books. I mentioned that I was looking for a good book to read (I go through a LOT of book-less periods, which drive me nuts). Hearing this, all of them instantly light up and start talking excitedly. "Oh, you should read Twilight! It's such an awesome book, you would love it!"

Intrigued, I asked, "What's it about?"

"It's about this girl who meets this vampire, and they fall in love, and - oh! It's just so cool! He goes to her school, and they...."

The rest of the description was rather vague, but my curiosity was, oddly enough, piqued.

I suppose I should mention that at this time, Twilight was JUST entering into its popularity, so I'd never heard of it before, and thus hadn't met anyone else who had liked it. So I didn't have much to go on, really - just my roommate's description of it. I was somewhat doubtful - but if THEY had liked it so much, I thought that it was probably worth a try.

A few weeks later, as we were perusing through our local bookstore, I happened to spot the paperback copy on the shelf. The cover looked cool - a pair of pale white hands holding a bright red apple on a plain black background. It was certainly a lot more original than most cover art I'd seen. This more or less cinched the deal for me, and I pulled my mom over and asked her to get it for me.

And thus, I was pulled into the world of Twilight.

Well, actually, I went there voluntarily. Which just KILLS me, because at least if someone had forced me to read it, I'd have a better excuse for hating it.

But no, I went and got it and read it completely of my own free will.

And, to tell the truth, the first few chapters weren't so bad. The writing was different than what I was accustomed to - most writers nowadays conform to a certain popular style. Stephenie Meyer doesn't, which is probably the only thing going for her. I liked how she described everything, and her writing was so magnetic that I couldn't stop reading even when I had realized what I'd gotten myself into and wanted to escape. The fact that I have read all of her books testifies to that. I just can't help it - every time I see a new Stephenie Meyer book on the shelf, I have to read it, if only to see if she's improved at all. She really does have potential in her writing.

But, as much potential as she DOES have, she doesn't have it YET. And that's where my hatred of Twilight comes in.

Now, first off: what sort of message does this book send to us, exactly? Love someone even if they're dangerous? Force them to turn you into a sexy monster because you want to be with him forever, even though you're only a teenager with the MATURITY of a teenager, and he is a 100-something-year- old man who has the physical appearance of a seventeen-year-old boy? Abandon your family, abandon your friends, go run off with your boyfriend. Yep, that sounds like the message we want teenage girls to absorb.

I mean, think about it. In this series, being a vampire is originally shown to be something of a punishment, something you would never, ever want to be. The only other thing I like about this series is the vampire part - like, the way she portrays them, explains how they work and live, what they're like (Although the sparkling diamond skin was a bit over the top). I like how she describes their beauty more as something dangerous than as something desirable (at least, she does when Edward and Bella aren't in the same room) - in other words, something meant to draw in prey. You get the sense, especially when the nomads come along, of just how monstrous these beings truly are. At the end of the book, unless you are exceptionally clueless, you're wondering why the heck Bella wants to be changed INTO one of them after being hunted down and attacked like that. I mean, I know she wants to stay with Edward, but if I was in her position, after an affair like that, I would be more determined than ever to STAY human as long as I possibly could. Being a vampire is clearly not a desirable situation, in spite of the fancy cars and beautiful marble skin. So WHY DO IT???

Well, in the next few books, vampirism seems to take a bit of an upturn, as we find out that Bella is probably going to be changed into a vampire anyway, what with the Volturi taking such an interest in her and evil vampire Victoria plotting her destruction. So now it's less a matter of 'will she?' and more a matter of 'WHEN will she?'

I guess, since Bella is heading in the vampire direction, Mrs. Meyer has to put a more positive spin on the whole thing. So now being a vamp suddenly isn't such a bad thing. I mean, you get a hot boyfriend/husband, perfect looks, superhuman strength, immortality - the list goes on. Mrs. Meyer doesn't exactly promote it, but she's not really warning against it either (apart from Edward's feeble attempts to talk Bella out of it).

That really just bugs me. It really does. Remember Rosalie's story of how she was turned into a vampire? Remember Jasper's? Carlisle's? Remember how they all turned?

AGAINST THEIR WILL.

Almost every single vampire was turned into what they are involuntarily. They had no say in it whatsoever. Especially Rosalie. Remember Rosalie? She had every right to be angry at Bella. She would have lived a reasonably happy life if it weren't for her evil fiancee. She never WANTED to become a vampire, for good reason. You're not human anymore. You can't be AROUND humans anymore. You don't eat. You don't sleep. You feed on blood. You have to watch your family grow old and die, decades and centuries pass, and never age along with it. I suppose there is solace in love, as all the vamps seem to find sooner or later, but still - what a torturous sort of existence. Who would WANT that?

Bella, that's who. Figuratively sticking her tongue out at these tortured souls, she skips along happily to have her neck bitten. Well, not exactly, as we find in Breaking Dawn. (Ironically, neck-biting would have preferable)

Man. I HATE this girl. Isabella Swan, fictitious though she may be, is the only girl I have ever really wanted to punch in the face.

But.....fate can't be changed, and everyone winds up living happily ever after. Seriously. There is practically nothing negative about this ending. Apart from the fact that Bella is going to outlive all her relatives, but no one really talks about that.

Don't get me wrong, I am ALL for happy endings. But when it comes to fictitious worlds like Twilight, I like a little bit of bittersweet realism. I'm not saying that it shouldn't have been good, I'm just saying that it shouldn't have been so darn PERFECT.

This is another thing that bugs me, about modern novels in general. You can pretty much predict that everything is going to end happily, because that's the fashionable thing nowadays. Whatever happened to endings like in Lord of the Rings? Frodo, Gandalf, Bilbo, Elrond (SPOILER) all sail away to the Undying Lands, leaving behind their friends and ending the Fellowship. Not bad, but very sad nonetheless. Where are these endings? What did the publishing companies do to them?

I don't know. I probably shouldn't whine about it like I do, but it's an old complaint that's been bugging me for years. I just had to get it out.

Just like this post, actually. I've been holding in that rant for almost FOUR YEARS.

And now it's finally out and over with. You can't fathom my relief - I felt like I was about to explode.

That said: Twilight sucks. End of story. Good evening.

I

Respect me because I art.

You know, I have heard that some people firmly believe that procrastination is the key to failure and that all procrastinators wind up as hobos on the street or something.

I, on the other hand, believe that procrastination is the key to all happiness and if you just shove your conscious (or however you spell it) to the side and play another hour or three of Half-Life 2, you will be very successful and probably will become famous.

This must be so. I will MAKE it so.

So, in case you haven't caught on already, I am a hopeless and lazy procrastinator who has issues with commitment. More specifically, commitment to my personal goal of ALWAYS WRITING IN MY FREAKIN' BLOG EVERY WEEK!!!!

'Cause, you know, people only read blogs that update. And I am a very lonely, lonely soul who wants to be loved, so I need to buck up and go forth and DO to attain!!!

There. I have made my declaration.

Have a cookie.

Dune Memories and Ranting

Oh, would you look at that! TWO blog posts in one week! I am making progress. The goal is not far away.....

Now, as very few know, I regularly watch Nostalgia Critic on YouTube. I wouldn't really recommend watching him if you don't like swearing....or the occasional sexual reference. (By this point, you, my relatives reading this, are no doubt wondering if I am a closeted rebel or something. I will explain, and eeeehhhverythiiing will become clear. ) So why do I, devout Mormon that I am, watch it? Well, you see, I sort of got hooked on it because I find his reviews very interesting, fun, and even intelligent (when he's being good funny, not bad funny. Just to clarify). It's....well, it's sort of like a shameful addiction to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or something along those lines.

But I digress; that is not the point of this post.

My POINT is, that Nostalgia Critic has various other channels relating to him, including a certain channel known as Nostalgia Chick. She basically does what he does, but focusing more on female-oriented vintage films/TV shows. Recently, for some reason or another, she reviewed Dune, which I watched and was both repelled and slightly amused by. And, as her name suggests, it also made me feel slightly nostalgic. Let me share it with you!

The particular Dune adaptation she was reviewing was what you might call the OLD one - the CLASSIC, the 1980's ERA. Some of you sci-fi movie people might be thinking 'Um....yeah, I've heard of it. Wasn't the so-called OLD Dune movie the ONLY Dune movie ever made?'

Well, it's interesting - ironically enough, while everyone remembers and even reveres the Old One, hardly anyone remembers or has even heard of the New, up-to-date(ish) CGI made-for-the-SciFi Channel-TV One.

...................................

Which, now that I have written that, suddenly makes perfect sense.

At any rate, I have seen BOTH movies, as well as read the book (twice!). If you care to look at my profile, you might see that Dune is actually one of my favorite books. And why not? Dune is practically the Lord of the Rings of science fiction. Admittedly, it's not to everyone's taste, which, considering how it was written, is understandable. Some people just find big political battles over alien products and desert planets with freaky blue-eyed people boring. Hey, I don't judge. To each its own.

ANYway, my point is, having read the book and being a bit of a sci-fi/fantasy nerd, it's interesting to take an in-depth look at these two particular movies.

Now, the funny thing is, I saw the old Dune movie a looooong time ago, when I was really little kid. I'm not quite sure what the total incentive was for my family to watch this movie, but I think my dad and perhaps other siblings having read the book had something to do with it. I'm guessing they saw the movie at the rental place and they thought, "Hey! I read Dune! I wonder how the movie is?" And so they got it. Or, more likely, someone lent it to us.

I think my family regrets this, because we have never mentioned it in the years following. My family has a thing about movies: there are actually a very few that we all like, and a very choice few that we all love. These are the Traditional Blackham Movies, and they are so important that we force all incoming fiancees to watch them before marrying into our family. Or immediately afterward, depending on circumstance. Either way, they HAVE to watch these movies, or else they are not true members of our family. They don't have to like them, of course, but they are required to at least watch them.

But that's not what I mean - what I mean is, we only ever saw Old Dune once, and we never, ever, ever mentioned it again. Except maybe for my older brother, once, after watching the New Dune, but I'm not sure.

Even though it was so long ago, I actually remember this movie - sort of. I remember certain parts of the movie that either really weirded me out or scared the everloving crap out of me. I also remember that there was nothing I enjoyed about this movie. It was too weird and scary. Which, from a little kid's view, is pretty understandable.

The parts I remember the most clearly, without looking back on Nostalgia Chick's review, were:

1) the curly-haired boy who shouts (Paul Atreides - back then, that was the label I gave him) making some sort of monotone 'aaahhh'ing noise at a pillar while holding something like an old-fashioned camera in his hands, which made the pillar explode (I might just be making this up, but this seems too clear to be fabricated)

2) the bad fat guy (Baron Harkonnen) getting his...erm...enormous, disgusting boil-pimple thingies on his face popped by a doctor/dentist person, and then pushing a button that made him float in the air, and pointing his black-painted toes to float forward so he could kill this guy who was putting flowers in this counter.

3) this gross octopus tentacle thing talking to this old guy (scary, scary, SCARY moment).

4) a lot of people screaming when they drank this blue stuff (sort of bewildering)

5) this guy with a mustache saying 'the tooth, the tooth, DA TOOTH' over and over again.

6) A bunch of people with really, really blue eyes.

and 7)the little scary girl with the glowing blue eyes saying in a spooky voice "Wait for my brother, Baron. Wait...wait for my BROTHER."

Now, of course, it was a long time ago, so these memories are not entirely accurate. But that's what I remember of the movie, so it all adds up to something dark, scary,and really, ardently twisted. I'm sure if I saw it again now, I would still feel the same way.

The New Dune was very different - and I mean VERY different. For one thing, Sting was not in it. Which, of course, was unforgivable. And neither was Patrick Stewart. Also unforgivable. From these two statements, I am sure you can already tell how this movie went.

This movie wasn't really a movie so much as a mini-miniseries. In total, it was a good five or six hours long, originally divided into hour-long episodes for TV but now squashed together in grueling movie form. To see it would be asking for a literal marathon. You would have to devote your entire DAY to watching it. And that's only the beginning.

We haven't just SEEN this movie at my house - we actually, physically OWN it. All 4 (or 5?) DVDs, tucked away in one of our DVD binders. Lurking. Waiting for some unsuspecting victim to pull it out and put in the player. Unleashing its horrific power upon yet another innocent soul who thought they were watching some weird Frank Herbert version of Star Wars. And it's all so much worse because we possess the DIRECTOR'S CUT!! A whole half hour of deleted scenes that you really did not want to see but the director is forcing you to watch anyway!

Such is the nature of this movie.

Now, granted, this movie (unlike the Old Dune), at least tried very, very hard to stick to the book. Therein lies the key word: TRIED. If I've learned anything about movies based off of books, it actually doesn't really work when you try to stay accurate to the book. A lot of people would disagree, but think about it: there are sometimes important elements in the books that just can't translated very well into movie form. Like in Dune, there are all these subtle shifts and sidestories and viewpoints that work very well in text form, but just can't be taken onto the screen. Period. You just can't do it. Thus, in trying, you fail. At least in this case.

So, in trying to compensate, this movie changes the main character, Paul, a little bit. Whereas in the other movie he at least GAVE the appearance of someone who has been under heavy training all their life, this new movie makes him a whiny teenager whom you would just love to smack. He does mature as the movie goes, becoming a bit more complex and likeable. But still............. I...want...to....SMACK.

Oh, wonderful, this is turning into a movie review now. I need to slow down and rethink this.

The point of this is, Dune just can't be properly made into movie form. It is an excellent book, and it will always remain an excellent book. I suppose both movies had their charm - the Old One for its strange epic feel (why is it so epic? Why?), the New One for its...erm...attempted epic-ness, its interesting CGI (well, it's sort of outdated now), and some unintentionally funny moments. I would avoid both - Old One for its sort of horribly disgusting scenes (particularly involving the Baron or a strange hairless animal that makes me think of a cat), New One for its blatant and unabashed pornographic scenes and gore.Which were never really in the book, as far as I can recall. And which is one of the reasons why we never watch it anymore, without the remote in hand and finger pressed against the fast-forward-by-scene button.

This post, by the way, was the combined product of a headache, watching that NC review, and staying up waaaaaay too late. Please forgive me.

I am bored.

I think this is the grand declaration of teenagers all across the U.S and possibly Canada: WE ARE BORED.

I don't really know what it is about my particular age group, but summer often finds us lolling around on the couch, with books and computers and iPods and swimming pools and other such things surrounding us, and we'll be moaning that there's nothing to do. The same thing applies to food: we'll walk up to our mothers (or fathers) working in the kitchen, with the fridge full of vegetables and sandwich meat and fruit and cheese and whatever else, and we'll tell them quite seriously that there's nothing to eat.

My theory is that we just like to complain. We're just not complete without having something to moan about. I think it's sort of a subconscious sign that everything's as it should be, there's nothing big to worry about, we're in a place where we ought to be content.

But, as everyone knows, teenagers are uncomfortable with being content. Human beings, in general, aren't comfortable with everything being perfect. I think that there's a sort of need for difficulty and opposition in our lives somewhere. I know, for a fact, that when everything's peaceful and hunkydory in my life, I feel kind of restless and bugged. It doesn't feel right, to have everything be this perfect. I need something wrong. I need something....ah! There! We're out of peanut butter! That's no good! No good at all! My life is now balanced.

And there you have it. This need is particularly potent for my age group. I think all the TV and movies we watch (and all the - ahem - books we read) makes us need drama even more than we once did, in times past. Anyone who's attended a public high school knows that there's a sort of toxin in the air that causes people to act like a teenage soap opera when they're gathered together. This never really had an effect on me, because I have pretty much no social life at school (I know that I am considered to be something of a silent hermit in many social circles), so in those few times that I have interacted with my fellow students, it's sort of bemusing and a little bit funny (but mostly bemusing. Sometimes it's even a bit scary). I just never had a chance to become fully acquainted with teenage drama, and so seeing it in action is........yes, bemusing. I said it again.

More often than not, though, I have no patience for it. I listen to my sister talk about the boys she likes, and her friends talking boys they like (it seems that boys are the main focus for most teenage girls until they leave high school. Sometimes, though, it never seems to go away), and how this has such a big impact on their lives, and how it gets them into arguments and conflicts and flouncing about and tears.....it's pretty dramatic.

You know what, now that I think of it, most teenage drama is attributed to girls. That isn't to say there isn't teenage guy drama, but most of it is definitely girl stuff. I guess, since we don't generally get physical like guys do, we just make it mental and verbal.

So thus is my post. I am no longer bored. I am now inexplicably tired and wanting to take a nap. I think that this post made me think too much of high school. So I will stop it HERE, so I can stop thinking about it.

Ta!

Well, well, well.....blogs ARE like diaries. aren't they? That must be why I am so phenomenally bad at retaining them.

Well, at any rate - I have had this blog for something like 3 years, and am just now getting into this whole 'blogging' thing. I have had a sort-of blog on Nerdfighters.com that I have been writing off and on, and which I will still occasionally pop in and add little tidbits to every now and again. If you happen to be a Nerdfighter (if you don't know what that is, check it out - it's awesome), then you should definitely go and look me up. Yup. Do me that little favor. It makes me feel loved. :3

But now, I come to my plan - my ultimate, AMAYZING plan that will knock your socks off. If you wear socks, that is. If not, I feel sorry for your toes. (bad joke)

At any rate, I'm going to actually try to blog here at least once a week. The reason for this is that I am making plans to become considerably more active on the Internet, as I am.........

*********PUBLISHING A WEBCOMIC***********

Yes! For my senior project this school year, I am going to be writing, drawing and publishing a full-color webcomic that I have been planning for the past two years, and which I have written approximately 20 pages of, and of which I have completed about 2 pages. It takes about 8 hours (max) to fully draw out, ink, and color one page. And I still have yet to figure out how to transfer a hand-inked page in order to color on Photoshop.....

But ANYWAY, this is going to be a real challenge for me, as I am a hopeless procrastinator. But I am determined! I shall persevere!

So, what does a blog have to do with all this? Well, it just seems like a good idea. A blog and a webcomic go very well together. Some blogs ARE webcomics, as a matter of fact...

But I rant! This just seems like an excellent idea. I am really looking forward to it.

So, I guess this means that I am actually going to try and entice more readers! ('entice' sounds uncomfortably close to 'seduce', for some reason) Oh, this is going to be so much fun.....

Well, that's it for now, I suppose. I'll see if I can actually STICK to my goal this time....

Hello again!

Hello, it's me again. And this time, I am going to rant about books.

I love books. Books are one of the greatest joys of my life.

Unfortunately, I love books so much that I can't take badly written books. This has gotten so bad that I will actually feel physically sick if I read awful literature. And I have gotten into the habit of automatically mentally critiquing books while I read them. Which can be very, very annoying, especially if I voice my opinions to other people - Twilight fans in particular.

(Yes, I didn't like the book. Deal with it.)

Anyway, right now, I am currently embarking on an epic quest - to find a good book. Any suggestions? :D

Probably not, since no one reads this blog. Yay! That means I can write whatever I want with absolutely no repercussions. Unless, of course, a Twilight fan happens to read it - but I won't listen, anyway. So there. >_<

Greetings from my Bad Self

So.....I've had this blogging account thingamajig for about two years. And it was only a few minutes ago that I decided to use it.

So here I am.

Hi!

I have no idea of what to say. Should I tell you about myself? Probably, since I am so very interesting.

I am a tall(ish) girl with long blonde hair, wide football-player shoulders, and a caveman jaw. If you see me, I will most likely be wearing my Trogdor sweatshirt, a thrift store T-shirt (with a logo), some old, ragged jeans, and a pair of duct taped hiking boots. If it's raining or snowing, I'll be wearing my big old ugly green swim parka with an X duct taped on the shoulder. If you see me outside of school, I'll be wearing a comfy knitted green hat that I got in Elko on the way to Utah. In school, I will most likely be lugging a large backpack with red roses and skulls all over it, as well as a green-and-purple striped sock monkey key chain (named 'Jenkins') attached to one of the zippers. There will also be a binder (covered in duct tape) tucked rather insecurely under my arm. It's easy to find me - just look for the girl who looks like an emo hobo.

Anyhoooo, forgive me if this is a rather awkward post. I'm not at all used to this. But I'm a-working on it.

I am what many people would classify as a 'geek', though in the usual capacity. I have never gotten straight A's in my life (except perhaps maybe in kindergarten). But I do love to read comics. And I love Star Trek and Star Wars. And I love reading manga and watching anime. Wait - that's not geekism. That just me-ism.

I am also a proud member of the Snoosh clan, which comprises of me and my three friends Ellie, Elizabeth and Claire. Don't even ask how it got started.

This is all I have to say. And now I must go and paint pictures of scarecrows on Photoshop. Tootle-pip!