Been thinking about a few things recently.
You know, it's only the beginning of the year and I've already got what is called "senioritis". For those few weird people who don't know, "senioritis" is this condition that high school seniors develop, usually towards the end of the year, where they just stop caring about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. Basically, you just want the school year to end so that you can grab your high school diploma and get
on with your life. You're sick and tired of sitting in the classroom counting the minutes until the class is over, you're sick and tired of looking at colleges and getting good grades (or not, in some cases), you're sick and tired of worrying about everything from where you're going to live next year to how you did on that stupid English test - after four years you just want it to END.
Sound familiar? No? Oh, you poor, sorry excuse for a human being.
As you might imagine, this is a very unhealthy condition to be developing this early in the year. But the thing is, I don't care about anything anymore, so I can't really bring myself to be concerned about it.
However, in the attempt to make myself concerned about it, I did a lot of thinking. You know, about the future. And stuff.
And I realized....
This is a very....trying step in my life, to say in the least. This is practically my last year living at home.
But....to tell the truth? I'm not entirely unhappy about it.
It's not that I won't miss my parents, or living at home. When I leave this house, I am going to be shouldering the responsibilities of being independent - I will be, in essence, an adult. Well, sort of. My parents will help pay for my tuition and stuff, but that's beside the point.
What I mean is, I am moving on with my life. Which is both absolutely terrifying and quite possibly the most exciting thing I have ever done. Sort of a conflicting that way. So I am both terrified and excited.
When I went into high school, and while I was IN high school, I have had people tell me:
"You know, these are the best years of your life. High school is the best time you'll ever have. It doesn't get much better than that."
Well, I thought reflectively to myself, if this is as good as my life will ever get, my life is totally going to suck.
My entire life, school and I have had something of a hate/hate relationship. I hated it, It (in all its sentient glory) hated me. And despite many attempts (and believe me, there were many), there was no reconciling this. I tried having a positive attitude, smiling at everything (didn't work - only increased my reputation as some sort of crazy hermit person, only in the form of a teenage girl), trying to get good grades (I am such a skillful procrastinator that this never worked), trying to take an interest in my subjects, etc. Nothing worked. And so, somewhere in my elementary school years, I gave up. And so when people told me that these are the best years of my life (they STILL tell me this - they actually seem to tell me a lot more often, now that I'm a senior), I felt a deep pit of depression sink through my chest and give me a horrible stomachache.
In the middle of my junior year, though, I decided something: that whole 'high school is the best' thing is crap. Maybe they're the best times for the popular kids who've got it made in high school, but let's face it - that's just sad. I've known people who just never got their heads out of their high school years, and look back on them with wistful regret, never getting on with their lives because they're convinced that the climax of their lives has already passed. That's not going to be me, no sir. As far as I'm concerned, the day I finally take that high school diploma and do a little victory dance on the stage (probably involving the worm), my life will finally BEGIN. I mean, not that my life isn't going on right now, but that's when I'll be OUT and into THE WORLD.
My lands, what a frightening thought.
Recently, one of my teachers made a surprisingly wise statement: "Here's the facts, kids: high school is weird. It's full of all this stupid drama and adjustment and all this other crap. Life outside of high school is not like that. High school isn't what life really is. Life is different, and it's a whole lot better, if you ask me."
Well said.
That's not a word-for-word quote, of course, but that's the gist of it. And it's true. High school IS weird. It's full of a bunch of kids who are doing a lot of growing in a very short amount of time. They aren't adults, they aren't children, they're somewhere in between. And it's a tough adjustment, one that is full of, yes, drama and all this other crap. So it really isn't logical to assume that life in the outside world is like that, too.
I like that. If there is one thing that I have absolutely no qualms about, it's leaving high school behind me. And you can be sure that I will only look back when I'm having troubles with my life, and need to remember that although my life isn't easy, it could be a heckuva lot worse.
Because the truth is, life gets better after high school. And that's a fact.
